The most important relationship you can have is with yourself
Updated: Mar 3, 2022
Do you feel that things have been so bad that you will never be in a relationship? Or that you NEED to be in a relationship? Or maybe you are asking how long you should wait before dating again.
If you are not who you are meant to be then you will attract people to who are now. If you are struggling, if you are mentally or emotionally lost, if you dislike your own company and NEED someone around.... then guess what... you will attract people who seek out those people... yes you will either be attracting other broken people who need the same and who will hold you back from your own growth or you will attract someone who preys on the broken to bolster themselves and feed off... you could fall right back into a repeat of the same trauma from whichever relationship has left you where you are right now, whether that was an ex-partner, parent, sibling or friend.
When you feel you NEED a relationship then this could be a sign that you need to develop a better relationship with yourself!! The need for a relationship is a secondary need, the feeling you desire, that you believe will be fulfilled by a relationship, is the primary need. Taking time to reflect what drives this desire can help identify where it is rooted. This could be due to expectations from friends, community or family. More significantly this could be rooted in a lack of self-love, low sense of self-worth or a subconscious limiting belief, such as believing you do not deserve love or are unlovable.
Self-love is important for well-being and yet we are so easily conditioned, or programmed, to limit it. Even simple comments can make us limit our worth. For example, feeling that parents or a partner not giving you recognition, or only really showing recognition for achievements rather than who you are, programs into your subconscious that you are not loved, or only loved if you meet someone else’s expectations.
Not having enough love for yourself, feeling unlovable, or believing you’re undeserving of love can massively impact every part of your life from career, relationships and even money. Getting into a relationship if you do not love yourself limits your chance of fulfillment because you cannot love from an empty cup. You don’t love yourself so you cannot give them the love they need and in turn they cannot give you the love you need. If you feel you don’t deserve love, then you block yourself from feeling the love anyone gives you over and above that which you believe you deserve.
Ask yourself if you want to be with someone so that they appreciate what you give them and can feel good about making someone happy and whether you are really seeking to get validation and recognition to affirm that you are good enough to be in a relationship. These are not healthy mindsets with which to live by or enter into a relationship with.
I can support and guide you to heal from past relationship trauma, or to break through the limiting beliefs you hold about yourself so that you like yourself, trust yourself, work out who you are, who you want to be, what you want from life, and redefine what your standards and boundaries are. Together we will reprogram your past conditioning so that you can work out who you are meant to be and go out into the world and proudly and authentically be that person, and then let the right person find you!